Why I’m Proudly Nursing a Preschooler

Signing “I love you.”

After noticing a tweet about it, I just read Breastfeeding: How long is too long? I asked the same exact question a while ago for this post: The Many Benefits of Extended Breastfeeding.

I’m still breastfeeding my son, who is now 4 years and 8 months old, so of course I have an opinion about this subject. I read many of the comments for that post and was going to leave my own, but comments have been closed. And judging by this blogger’s Twitter stream, she never responds to tweets, she just tweets out her blog posts.

So since I can’t leave a comment on the post or respond on her Twitter stream, I’m writing down what would have been my response right here:

“How long is too long? In my opinion there isn’t such a thing as breastfeeding too long. Either the child or the mom will at some point decide that it’s time to stop. As long as both mom and child want to keep doing it, where is the harm?

There are only benefits, considering the myriad of health benefits breastfeeding brings for the child and the mom.

You write, “My experience has led to the assumption that it is just too difficult for these women to allow their children to grow up.”

How many moms do you know that have breastfeed their child past the recommended two years? And do you realize that you can’t force a child to nurse?

A mother can decide to let a child self-wean, but she can not decide when that child will wean.

That’s up to the child. When he or she is done, that’s it, regardless of how much the mother might wish to continue.

I’ve never heard of a mom of a preschooler who coaxed her child to nurse again. (I’m talking about older children here, not infants who sometimes go on temporary nursing strikes. Infants clearly aren’t signaling they are done with breastfeeding when they don’t want to eat since they obviously need to eat to survive — you need to find the other cause for why the baby isn’t eating and then breastfeeding can resume).

I’m proudly breastfeeding a child that is 4 years and 8 months old. While I never foresaw he would be doing it this long, I believe in self-weaning and he still wants to nurse to sleep and for a few minutes when we cuddle on the sofa. I see nothing wrong with that and we are not bothering anyone. The fact that he has no desire to nurse in public since he was 3 years old shows me he is self-weaning himself, just slower and later than other kids.

I have yet to find any research that shows that extended breastfeeding is in any way harmful to a child. I have only found research that shows that kids that get breastfed longer than their peers are often more intelligent, healthier, and very independent and self-assured.

Actress Mayim Bialik, Blossom on TV, wrote I Breastfeed My Toddler. Got A Problem With It? and I love and agree with her reason for extended breastfeeding:

“There is no respected scientific statistical evidence that children who self-wean are brattier, more spoiled, less independent, less socialized, or less productive in society. To the contrary, studies show that children who self-wean have learned that their needs are important, their development does not proceed according to anyone else’s timetable, and they are confident that love is abundant.”

If I had any indication his nursing would harm him, believe me, I would gently wean him. He actually never mentions to others that he’s still nursing, the subject just doesn’t come up, so he has been free of judgment from others that could influence him to wean faster.

So since I’m nursing a preschooler, you assume I don’t want him to grow up. Will I miss nursing him? Absolutely.

Breastfeeding has unexpectedly become such a big part of my life — because I have not only been doing it for a long time but have also become an outspoken advocate of breastfeeding and written about my experience with (extended) breastfeeding often on Dagmar’s momsense in the last 2 1/2 years — so of course I will miss it.

I will miss it a lot, especially since he will be my only child, but I will be ready. I’ve had longer than most moms to mentally prepare myself, so of course I’m ready! I just recently blogged about why I’m ready to wear my deflated, small boobs proudly as a badge of honor after the marathon of breastfeeding they have been through instead of opting for a boob job.

Weaning is one step of my son growing up, and although I — like every other mom in the word — would love to be able to stop time so he doesn’t grow up so fast, I’ll welcome that new milestone. It means new and other fun experiences with him are to come.

I’m looking forward to reclaiming my body after almost 5 year of it being the source of nourishment and nurturing for my son. I can’t wait to finally be able to do a cleanse, which I won’t do right now because I don’t want to take a change that the herbs might be harmful to him.

Nursing a baby is different than nursing a tall preschooler, and it will be interesting to not be called anymore to snuggle with my son in this special way. But it will also be a welcome change to not have little groping hands pulling on my breasts anymore.

The request for “ba ba” doesn’t come when I feel like nursing him — it comes on my son’s terms, always. I love nursing him, but it’s going to be kind of freeing to not have to answer that request anymore.

I’m so glad I have let my son nurse this long. If I had weaned him, I wouldn’t have known how to get through the 16 hours I was stuck in an airport with him while he had a fever. I wouldn’t have the sweet memory of nursed him to sleep on a ferry a year ago.

I wouldn’t have been able to nurse him right after his tonsillectomy and comfort him in a way only I can. He also wouldn’t have recovered so much faster than other kids from that surgery. And we wouldn’t still have breast milk to soothe and heal every one of his scrapes. Breast milk is amazing in it’s healing powers.

I would’ve missed out on so many other memories I will hold dear forever. Because breastfeeding a preschooler gives you the wonderful experience of your child being able to talk to you about breastfeeding and verbalizing his appreciation. Those are precious moments.

Just a few days ago I nursed my son to sleep on a plane ride from Germany back to the U.S. I never nursed him in public with a cover when he was younger — I had nothing to hide and was comfortable with that. But since he is now a tall 4-year-old, I wanted to be considerate of the passenger next to us and had told L that we would cover him and no one would even know he was nursing to sleep on the long flight.

So when it was time to get him to sleep, I covered him with an old burp cloth and he did the funniest thing that made me crack up so much, I was crying. We both couldn’t stop laughing. He was totally into this being our little secret that he was nursing under there, and once I got him covered and he was latched on, he gave me the biggest grin and — the thumbs-up.

Kind of like this boy:

I will never forget that moment and how much it made me laugh and feel appreciated and strengthened in my motherly instinct that tells me I’m doing the best thing for my son by letting him self-wean. I’m sure he won’t do it much longer.

I’m proudly nursing a preschooler and there is absolutely noting wrong with that.

Sorry that the thought of that makes you uncomfortable, but that is something only you can change if you want to.”

“Yes. I am STILL breastfeeding. Get over it.” and other funny breastfeeding slogans.

{For more amazing photos of breastfeeding kids, visit At Mother’s Breast}

Tagged as: breastfeeding an older child, lactivism, motherhood, nursing a preschooler